Thursday, May 28, 2009

Mental Roadblocks

I don't know why anxiety sets in when you try to start something new. I'm starting to write a book about having four children under the age of four. I think about the book everyday but I haven't written a thing. I know the concept and the idea but for some reason I haven't written anything. It seems like this happens to me a lot when it's concerning writing.

As a teenager I looooved to write and I still do now. I think that's what drew me to working as a transcriptionist. I love to type and I love the English language. I've always been good at grammar too.

Sooooo....why the roadblocks? Why I am stopping myself?

One obvious answer is fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the success of the book. Fear of the lack of success of the book. Fear of not finishing the book.

Writing a book is a big task and I'm giving myself a year to complete the book. It's a book about the journey I'll be on over the next year with my kids. I know things will be hectic, crazy, and fun having a soon to be 3 years old, a 1 year old, and twinfants. I really want to record the journey and after that I think that other moms will be interested in reading about it. I know I would be. I'm sure I'll have a lot of advice to share at the end of the journey, or better yet at the end of that chapter of the journey.

So now it's time to stop avoiding writing...peace.

Friday, May 22, 2009

They're here!!

Amiri Charles Solomon Ramsey
May 15, 2009
9:14 pm
6.2 lb, 18 3/4 in

Laylah Mary Ella Ramsey
May 15, 2009
9:21 pm
6.5 lb, 18 3/4 in

After much anticipation....they're here! Wow...what a journey. There is so much to say about their birth and all of the prodomal labor leading up to their birth. I was actually admitted and discharged from the hospital on May 16 when one nurse said I was dilated to 5 cm. I was admitted and contracting regularly but not progressing and the midwife checked me and said I'm only 4 cm. So I was sent home again, but I wasn't tripping or angry I just knew that things would happen when they were meant to happen. I really did have peace. I went home and drank a glass of wine, took Zion to the ER and went to bed. Yes, you read right the ER. She got a coat hanger stuck under her eyelid and she's fine...but that is an entirely different story.

So I spent May 17 trying not to go into labor. I started the morning out with a glass of wine because I woke having contractions. And no, I'm not an alcholic. I normally don't even drink wine, I just really wanted to not go into labor until the 18th so that the midwife that I really like would deliver my babies.

So anyway the next day I was at my mom-in-law's house sitting on the couch relaxing. All of a sudden I started having strong contractions at around 2:30 p. I was like, "Okay, that was a strong one." I had a few more of those until I thought that if I continued having them I was definitely going to the hospital that day. So I tried taking a shower and noticed that they were 5 minutes apart. Then I tried laying down and the bed and they were five minutes apart. Then I tried getting in the tub and they were five minutes apart still...and at that point I started thinking about getting an epidural even though I really wanted a natural labor.

B showed up at that point and I told him that we needed to go soon and that I really wanted an epidural. I called the midwife and she asked me how I felt and I was like, "Like I need an epidural."

So when we got to the hospital I didn't want to get in a wheelchair because it hurt like hell to sit on my but during a contraction. So I walked up to the labor and delivery unit on the third floor. It probably took us 30 to 45 minutes because I was walking so slow and then stopping during contractions. I was also trying to look like I was in control of everything because people were just staring at me like I needed a wheelchair. A couple of nurses offered me a wheelchair but I was like, "Oh, no no no."

When I got to my room it was about 15 minutes until 7 pm. I was dilated to about a 6. I got in the bath tub shortly afterwards and had no real relief from the contractions. I was in transition and I just wanted an epidural. So I got out and got one. When it finally kicked in I was glad that I had gone that route. I really wanted to be able to enjoy my labor and laugh and joke. I wanted to relax too. I had had so much prodomal labor that I was all ready exhausted.

At about 9 pm they wheeled me into the OR to deliver the babies. It was at that point that they said I was 10 cm and popped my first water bag. They did an ultrasound and discovered that baby B, Laylah, was breech and not head down! In my mind I was praying that I wouldn't have to have a c-section. I pushed Amiri Charles Solomon out at 9:14 pm. He looked wonderful, healthy and full of life. I was a little afraid because he sounded so gurgly. Then they took him to the warmer. I was disappointed because I didn't get to have him put onto my chest right after he was born.

Then little Miss Laylah decided to stick her foot out of the birth canal. I haven't watched the video of the birth yet but my mom tells me that it was pretty frightening. I thought she was coming down the birth canal more but that feeling was actually the doctors hand inside of me pulling Laylah's other leg out of my body. Then he pulled her down some and pulled one arm out, then the other and then I pushed her head out. She was so limp looking when she came out. She had her umbilical cord wrapped around her body once and her neck twice. It scared me and I cried a little. The nurses and doctor kept telling me that she was going to be fine. A few minutes later she cried and I felt better. They had to take her to the NICU to work on her a little.

Anyway, it was a beautiful birth and after all that I went through during the delivery I truly believe that I made the right choice with the epidural. Me and B and planning on having any more children, but if for some very slim chance I became pregnant again I would definitely have an epidural. But that's not even something I want to think about. I'm done and thankful for the four beautiful and healthy children that I have :)

Friday, May 15, 2009

Why I've been away...

Things have been busy and crazy. We've moved. B has still been looking for work. E finally started walking a few weeks ago. And I'm at that last part of my pregnancy where I want to kill someone and do whatever I can to get these babies out of me. I'm bitchy. Plain and simple. I've been having stop and start contractions for the past two weeks! I'm dilated 4 to 5 cm and these babies just ain't moving. I'm frustrated beyond belief. I fell for the, "Twins rarely go beyond 36 weeks," bull. Here I sit at 38 weeks and 1 day...soon to be 2 days in four hours! Arghhh...I've contemplated castor oil but I remember what that was like when I tried it during my pregnancy with Zion. I don't think I want to try that again.

The positive thing out of this...well there are more than one. First off I'm so thankful to have two healthy babies inside of me...two big stubborn babies :) I'm really thankful to be almost 5 cm without experiencing too much pain!! I remember what those contractions were like with Elijah to get to just God! So I'm praying that because I'm almost halfway there that when things do pick up it will just be super duper fast.

I still have the goal of having a natural labor...meaning no epidural. I'm praying. But I know if I have to be induced with pitocin that will be pretty impossible. Those pitocin contractions hurt like hellllllll.

Well, life with four under four hasn't quite begun yet, but I'm hoping that sometime soon it will. The sooner the better. I'm ready for the adventure.